Yeah … as SFA said: “Life is really about the choices we make, especially when it comes to partners”. Allegedly Allison had a prior relationship with a man whom her parents did not approve of.. So her parents must have approved of GBC. This would have been a powerful influence on choice IMO. Allison was probably sold a fantasy by GBC. BUT she has also succumbed to this fantasy future at that time in her life. There was ‘the dream’ together. High hopes for a successful future. Like many, we don’t know that a relationship can’t grow towards achieving our dream. Different ‘values’ on key issues can reach no aggreement, it fractures. We find ourselves in it and it is ‘stuck’ – or deteriorating. We discover different ‘fundamental values’ on things which negatively impact the relationship.E.g: In-;laws might be one. We cant ‘be on the same page’; we can’t seem to ‘get the family team’ going. We discover that we are two different people with different goals. The dream has gone. Then we find that the dream was built on ‘shifting sands’ – not rock. The disappointment is profound. The loss of the dream sets in. We are stuck with dependant children in a relationship which does not work to support each other. The image ‘of the family unit’ is upheld to the outside world. When there are three little children to think about, a sense of family for them is important. Then there are parents and In-laws: Fear of failure in the eyes of significant others, the loss of ‘their hopes and dreams’ for a successful future also. These influences can make the decision to leave ‘the family unit’ difficult for most genuine ,empathic parents who can forsee the implications for their children. From all acounts, Allison was a genuine, empathic person and an achiever, so she knew about challenges and putting in the hard work, not giving up in order to reach goals,etc. So the decision to ‘give up’ on the family unit would have been a hard one for her to deliberate. IMO she may have been soul searching the profound loss of ‘the dream’, her ‘fear of failure’ in the eyes of significant others, and giving consideration to future implications for the break-up of the famly unit for herself and the children. She may have been silently grieving, coming to terms with all these things before making a determined decision for divorce. IMO she really didn’t perceive that it become so bad that her life was actually in danger. When she married GBC she didn’t perceive that the dream she was attracted to was a fantasy construction built on ‘shifting sands’. It’s hard to grasp because of the ‘shifting sands’, IMO she succumbed to the ‘mask of deception’ inherent in projections of the narcissist/sociopath. Society has developed these labels to describe inherently ‘evil’ people who harm others. Just a few thoughts for a Saturday morning.
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